It’s getting hotter every year
So I bought a new air conditioner
(But you can’t go outside mid-day anymore)

There was another school shooting
So I bought my 6-year old a little bulletproof backpack
(Because it’s the only illusion of safety I can influence)

The news is reporting higher rates of violent crime from people unlike me
So I bought a gun
(Even though I don’t know how to use or store it safely)

Political extremism is on the rise
So I bought a little flag to let everyone know I’m a patriot
(Even though I don’t really understand politics)

Car accidents are the leading cause of death in our country
So I bought a nice big truck
(Because I don’t care if you die as long as I feel safe)

My pastor says our country is falling into moral decay
So I bought him a private jet
(Because I’m sure he needs it more than we need dinner or heat)

The world outside my window looks bleak
So I bought a TV with custom subscription services
(So I’ll never not be entertained)

I guess we should be grateful
That the people causing all the world’s problems are selling us solutions to those problems.

Author’s note: Originally written September 2024, I think this is another thing that’s still in progress. I originally approached this as an attempt at writing out a bipartisan or politically neutral critique of the way that Americans are being exploited by the “powers that be,” but this became more partisan than I intended. I don’t think exploitation is only happening on one side, we’re all affected by it.

Redacted verses: (keeping them around for now until this is “finished”)

Twenty percent of Americans are illiterate
And fifty-four percent of us can’t read above a 6th grade level
(But it’s okay because I do my own research)

My boss says we might have layoffs if output doesn’t improve
So we helped him buy another lambo
(Even though our division will be laid off to fund stock buybacks)